Pursuing our Best Life - one word and one stitch at a time
The husband and I met and fell in love in 2000 but got married only on the special day 12-13-14. We know everything about each other, and surely know what we’re getting into, right? How does finally getting married change things? What happens now that we are legally recognized as husband and wife?
There are sure to be many challenges ahead of us, and being a Newbie Wife isn’t going to be easy. Let the journey to wedded bliss unfold!
Not long after you get married, there’s this unspoken pressure to conceive. Your parents are anxious to have grandchildren, your friends are waiting for you to join “the mommy club”, and obviously, this is something you and your spouse had planned long before tying the knot. Now that the bliss of the wedding has passed and reality has sunk in, it seems like you’re on a clock to get knocked up within the next year. When months go by and nothing happens, the stress, anxiety, and pressure can be enough to send you into depression.
“Why is it taking so long for us to get pregnant?”
“How can I get my family and friends off my back?”
“Everyone around us is having children without a problem, is there something wrong with us?”
“Am I not trying hard enough?”
There are a lot of thoughts running through your head and with each passing month that you’re not pregnant these feelings get harder and harder to push aside. What was once an exciting journey towards starting a family with the love of your life has turned into a nightmare that you don’t know how to escape.
Could it Be Depression?
How do you know if you’re battling depression and not simply a bit down about not being pregnant despite your best efforts to conceive? There are different types of depression, each with its own set of symptoms, causes, and treatment. However, if you’re suffering from mental illness as a result of trying to have a baby, you may notice the following physical, emotional, and behavioral signs:
Lack of energy and exhaustion
Loss or increased appetite
Not wanting to get up
Lack of motivation
Constant sadness and feelings of misery and despair
Loss of the enjoyment of life
Lack of focus
Thoughts of suicide
What Should You Do?
If you’ve experienced a number of these symptoms over a long period of time, chances are you’re depressed about the process of trying to get pregnant or the thought that your dreams of pregnancy may never happen. Either way, you should know that getting pregnant will not make your depression go away. It is making changes and seeking help (especially if you’re suicidal) that help to resolve the matter. Here are a few suggestions on what you might do to start turning things around:
Don’t get ahead of yourself – Just because you’re not expecting yet doesn’t mean you can’t get pregnant. Unless you’ve heard a clear diagnosis from a doctor, you shouldn’t allow the assumption of infertility to get you down. In fact, paying a visit to the doctor can help you understand what you may be dealing with.
Keep a journal – it is human nature to be upset when things don’t go according to plan. Keeping a journal can help you to get these pent up emotions out.
Find something else to focus on – many couples have reported that they tried for years to get pregnant with no luck. However, after putting their mind elsewhere they were able to get pregnant right away. Perhaps you’re too focused on trying to conceive and it’s stressing you out.
Stop planning it – if you and your spouse are reduced to having timed sex during you ovulation periods then maybe it’s time to take a break from the planned sex. Enjoy your partner intimately for the fun of it and whatever happens, happens.
Talk to someone – if you’ve reached the point where all you can think about is getting pregnant and it’s causing you to feel depressed you should talk to someone. A counselor, for instance, can help you to understand that you’re not alone. They may also be able to help you develop positive behaviors that can heal your mind.
Having children is something that most couples want some day. What many don’t realize until they’re actually ready to have kids is that it doesn’t always go according to plan. On your journey to parenthood, it is important not to put so much pressure on yourself or to let the outside world put pressure on you. Do what you know is necessary like eating right, exercising, and getting plenty of rest and leave the rest up to chance. If you’re really stressed about the ordeal the next most effective solution is to get help. Don’t let depression take away what is supposed to be some of the most fun moments in your life.
Seems like the husband and I, we have some of our more interesting, and funny, conversations on the road.
Like today, while running errands. We had just seen a few episodes of Shark Tank on Netflix so the husband was on a business/product development frame of mind. Here are a couple problem areas he thought about addressing:
A solution to the long queues that customers have to suffer through at the bank for whatever business they have to do there. It’s such a waste of time. Today, we actually went to another bank because the first one we went to had such long lines.
Modernizing the Sorbetero so he wouldn’t have to suffer under the intense heat of the sun pushing his ice cream cart.
I can’t go into detail on any of his pitches, but here’s what I had to say: Not scalable. And for that reason, I’m out! 🙂
I like these moments. And really, any opportunity to have a real discussion.
Sometimes we also talk about the latest News (or gossip), or interesting posts on our Facebook feeds.
We also talk about work a lot. Mostly, he vents out about his work, and I either just hear him out and give advise, or I call him out on his attitude towards the issue.
I really enjoy our conversations. From the most trivial, to the more serious topics. And today I am reminded of how just talking got us falling in love with each other.
Today, I am sharing thoughts on marriage. Having been married for just a little over three years, I feel like being such an authority on married life already. NOT!
I believe that our relationship, like all others, require constant work. But, it doesn’t have to be a tiring and tedious ride. Though we are still new at this marriage gig, we have been partners now for a good 18 years. Throughout our journey together, and in observing family and friends, and watching so much TV, surely we’ve learned a few lessons, right?
Sometimes, I like to reflect on these lessons and talk to the husband about them. Here’s one of those lessons.
Don’t expect to agree on EVERYTHING. It’s just never going to happen.
Very early in our relationship as boyfriend-girlfriend, I realized that despite our similarities, and no matter how we make an effort to align our goals with each other’s – we are essentially two very distinct individuals.
Before I move on, I acknowledge that there are core values that are non-negotiables. And that it is important to agree on your #couplegoals – after all, you both have to be going in the same direction. This isn’t about that.
No Magic Pill
Saying I do, moving in together, or switching your Facebook profile to In a Relationship. None of these is a magic pill that allows you to suddenly agree easily on every choice or decision you have to make. Things won’t automatically line up the way the Sort button on an Excel file does.
It would be nice to find a partner who sees everything the same way you do. But not everyone will find one. Liking the same things or having the same values and opinions on just about every issue isn’t what’s important. I believe that what matters is how much value we place on our partner’s preferences and opinions.
It matters more that we are able to set aside our own biases – even for just a short time – to hear our partner out. We can go on to argue our point, but always, the end goal is to understand the other side better. Personally, I don’t always seek to convert the husband to cross over to my side – but I’d like to know that he listened to me and sincerely considered my point.
Tips on how to deal with your differences:
Be respectful while explaining yourself.
Listen to understand.
And always, keep your arguments on point. It is not about YOU and how you feel about each other, it’s about the issue at hand.
The hubby and I don’t share the same world view. I tend to see things in a more positive light, and approach social issues with respect to the many structures and layers involved. I support actions that are long-term and truly address the root cause. He tends to have a darker, more sinister view. He leans towards practical, short-term, and quick solutions. So yes, we disagree on more than just where to eat, but I find that recognizing our differences, saves us from being hurtful towards each other.
The Guevara-Apitanas have a family tradition – spending Holy Week at the Guevara home in Jose Panganiban, Camarines Norte and participating in the Holy Wednesday procession of saints with their very own San Andres dressed, lit up, and surrounded by a sea of flowers. I had the privilege of taking the trip with the family and spending the hot but happy few days of Holy Week the summer before we got married, but I have yet to go back. We thought it would be this year, but we weren’t so lucky. Work obligations didn’t permit the husband to take a long vacation so we had to make our own plans. My side of the family also couldn’t get away, so it was really just the two of us.
Thanks to Deal Grocer, we found a discount voucher for a night’s stay at a one-bedroom suite at the Infinity Tower Suites. All our asks checked out – a pool, separate living area and bedroom, fully equipped kitchen. The hotel is in Makati, which we could reach traffic-free on a Good Friday. I called the hotel before purchasing the voucher to confirm availability on our check in date. I wouldn’t have had to do it normally, but we had a very specific date in mind (Good Friday), and it was four days away when I made the purchase. As soon as I got my voucher number, I called them back and made the reservation official.
On our way to the hotel, we realized that the vet where we leave the dogs to room and board while we go on vacation was closed for Lent. Even another pet hotel we checked out wasn’t available anymore. The website showed no pet policy so I called the hotel and was gladly informed that they can make an exception for us jut this visit – we could definitely check in with our two dogs! Though we didn’t have to bring our pets after all, it was nice to know that the hotel could make such accommodations for us. That’s a huge plus for the establishment.
Waze showed us the way to Infinity Tower Suites, although I had to ask the staff out front where the parking entrance was (on the other side of the building). Check-in was a breeze. We were instructed to bring a print out of the voucher but I had no access to a printer and they accepted the digital copy I showed them off my phone. Our suite was at the 12th floor and though the furnishings were quite dated, we loved how spacious the rooms were. Just like every other time we are in hotels, we kept imagining what we’d do with the space if it were our home own home. There were double sliding doors that led from the living room to the bedroom. There was plenty of space for a craft area and computer area before you reach the bed. They could also convert an area to a good-sized walk-in closet. It was really just a very big room.
Right away, we felt like throwing a party! I messaged my friends saying they were welcome to drop by. I even extended the invite to our family in case anyone could make it. As expected though, everyone else had their own plans and we had the place all to ourselves.
We reserved the visit to the pool and gym area until after dinner. Good decision, the place was deserted!
Just like the room though, the pool area could use some updating. The pool was only 4 ft deep and the water was very cold. They also probably prepared for a lot of guests because it smelled heavily of chlorine. The water in the jacuzzi was a bit warmer than the pool’s but it too was cold.
There seemed enough equipment at the gym and both the hubby and I went on the bike and treadmill for a few minutes each. Mostly though, we just had fun.
The hotel didn’t have a restaurant so there was no room service, but overnight accommodations included breakfast the The Wholesome Table located at the ground floor of the building. Food was good. There is a separate menu for hotel guests so be sure to ask for the regular menu if you’d like to order additional dishes/drinks. The pancakes I had wasn’t enough to satiate my hunger (we were considering it brunch) so I asked if they had fruit or fruit shakes but I guess the waitress misunderstood me because she said no. I asked for a regular menu and ended up ordering a grilled cheese sandwich. I would have just been okay with a fruit shake though, which were apparently available but were on a different beverage menu. So I ended up being very full having had the pancakes, grilled cheese sandwich, and a fruit shake. The husband had a rice meal plus his own refreshing fruit shake. The restaurant deserves its own review. The decor felt very organic but my phone had no battery so sorry, no photos. We also had celebrity sightings!
Overall, it was a good overnight staycation. Just what we needed after months of focusing on just work. We spent the rest of the weekend with friends at another staycation as if one was not enough to recharge for another long stretch at work. 🙂