His and Hers
Truly, even after your union in marriage, husband and wife continue to be separate. My husband (wow, this is the first time I refer to the boyfriend as such on the blog) and I can be as different as white from black, hot from cold. Not in all ways, but surely, in many ways. The choice of drinks is but one example.
Our different personalities were highlighted to me again on Saturday night, after finding ourselves in the middle of a vehicular accident. We were driving home from celebrating Amir’s Moving Up Day in Fairview, when I exited Elliptical Road to Quezon Avenue and a delivery truck suddenly hit me on the driver’s side.
We were in the middle of conversation, and were abruptly shocked. I felt the jolt, heard the metal crash, but suffered nothing else but shock. After hitting the breaks and watching the truck run through my car and skid in front of me, we then saw as the truck turned on its side and continue to slide a few meters away from us to the side of the road. After a split-second of shock we decided to move my car to the side of the road and find out if the driver and his passengers needed any help. By then we saw them climbing out the passenger door window.
If you know my husband, he tends to be a hot head. He would jump into things heated and wouldn’t back down specially when he thinks he’s right. So he took care of confronting the other party, while I stayed in the car to collect myself, stay calm, and contact family and the authorities.
The Emergency Hotline 117 operator tried to be calm and assuring –
Hinga lang po ng malalim Ma’am. May nasaktan po ba?
It took awhile before personnel from MMDA arrived, and even longer for the Police Inspector. There was not much talk. The other party was blaming me, we were blaming them. A tow truck arrived, and we went on our way to the precinct. My cousins arrived to lend support. We signed papers, paid fees, had a very brief talk with the other party, before finally being able to leave. It took about three hours from the time of the accident until we were able to go home.
On the drive home we continued to talk, despite also being exhausted. I was just thankful no one got hurt. He was fuming because the accident made him late for his lakad with friends that evening. Yet something else that is different about us: That night, I stayed with family and we de-stressed with pizza; He went out again to drink with his friends. I must stay I didn’t like that, but I had no strength to argue.
When he’s excited the way he was pumped up that night he tends to talk too much. Yes, too much. And I have to admit it hurt, some of the things he had to say. Hurt in the sense that I wanted to challenge his statements because I’d really rather have him make better choices. Hurt, but I chose to love him despite of that.
That night, I decided to love him and understand that he deals with stress differently. That perhaps there is no harm in letting him steam off with his friends. When he came home with the sun almost up, with a kiss to wake me up, I again made a decision to love him and understand that we have different ways of showing we care.
Three months into this marriage gig, and I’m finally learning something.
For married folks, in what ways are you different from your partner? Do you still argue about those differences? Share your thoughts with this Newbie Wife 🙂
mayen
March 25, 2015 @ 8:52 pm
I’m glad that you and your husband were not hurt from the accident. I agree with what you are doing. My husband and I believe that love is a decision and not just a feeling. This belief helps us in times of argument and misunderstanding. I think we are on the right track.
http://www.hintofglitter.com
Michi
April 3, 2015 @ 10:02 am
It is nice to know that you’re all ok. Don’t worry! You’re are still on “getting to know” phase. In time you will discover your similarities and differences and learn to accept and compromise. 🙂
Michi´s last [post] ..The Real Measure of Intelligence and Success
verabear
April 3, 2015 @ 7:19 pm
Thanks Michi. Although we’ve only been married 3 months, the hubby and I have been together for 15 years. It’s just amazing how actually being married still changes us a bit, no matter how long we’ve already known each other. Definitely, there’s still room for a lot of growth. 🙂
verabear
April 3, 2015 @ 7:19 pm
Right track indeed. Thanks Mayen 🙂
theresa
April 4, 2015 @ 12:11 pm
Guess I was away too long in your blog that I wasn’t able to read your older post. Congratulations on getting married. I am also tying the knot soon. 🙂
verabear
April 4, 2015 @ 4:13 pm
Naku sis, it was me who has been away for long. I haven’t blogged in a very long time. Thanks 🙂 And I wish you luck in your wedding preparations, and best wishes for the marriage 🙂
Jess
April 5, 2015 @ 7:05 pm
Thank God okay kayong lahat. As for the differences, I just respect him or his decisions as long na hindi makakasira ng pamilya o mas mahahalagang bagay 😀
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Dominique Goh
April 5, 2015 @ 7:16 pm
There are many ways that I’m different from my spouse and it hasn’t been really easy to communicate with him as he too has his bias and not very open to what I have to say. I guess that it takes constant work to ensure that communication remains smooth in a marriage.
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len
April 5, 2015 @ 7:30 pm
buti na lang walang nasaktan to that accident, i agree meron din talagang diffrences sa married couples, just pray to god that things will go out smoothly
Mommy Maye
April 6, 2015 @ 3:19 pm
Hello Vera! Thank God you are fine. Daddy A and I still argue, but not a lot. Because like you we choose to understand and love each other despite our differences. We also take in consideration our son who will always interfere and says “bad po yan mommy and daddy.” Now, how can we argue e may referee agad, hehe.
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verabear
April 6, 2015 @ 6:15 pm
Thanks Mommy Maye 🙂 I think ang sweet nga na may referee kayo, kelangan talaga nun. hehe. I asked the hubby to read my post, nabasa naman daw nya. End of discussion, lol!
verabear
April 6, 2015 @ 6:18 pm
Thanks, prayers do help 🙂
verabear
April 6, 2015 @ 6:21 pm
I agree, constant work is needed in a marriage, and in any other relationship that we’d like to last.
verabear
April 6, 2015 @ 6:34 pm
Ay true, i don’t think he will make any decisions that bad naman 🙂
Linnor
April 7, 2015 @ 9:58 am
first off… congrats newlyweds!
thank heavens you were not seriously hurt! and no matter how careful we drive, accidents can happen.
about the differences between you and hubby, my advice would be to talk about it after “the dust has settled” when you’re both not stressed or riled up. communication is key and because you are just getting to know each other, it helps in clearing the air out. i’ve been married for about 23 years now and i still find new things about my other half. it’s a continuous process 😀
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verabear
April 7, 2015 @ 12:52 pm
Thank you so much, Linnor 🙂
Indeed, no matter how long we’ve been together, now that we’re finally married we are still adjusting – in some ways. I guess I surprise myself even in how I have become more accepting and understanding or our differences. Thanks and looking forward to more wifey advices from you 🙂
Elgarmummy
April 8, 2015 @ 3:33 pm
Thank goodness you are safe! Well, men are from mars and women are from venus. We deal with situations differently. After a few years of marriage, we still have quarrels, over parenting, cleaning, way of doing and lots of other things. What is important we must resolve the issues soon and not let them simmer for too long.
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Joseph
April 8, 2015 @ 9:49 pm
Keep safe always po! 🙂 (https://iamdoctoreamer.wordpress.com/)
Aby
April 8, 2015 @ 9:59 pm
Glad to know no one’s hurt.. Congrats! I am happy to know your now a newbie wife. Iiyyeee im so kilig for you hehe best wishes!
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Mark
April 8, 2015 @ 9:59 pm
Congrats Ms. Vera 🙂
Melgie
April 8, 2015 @ 10:40 pm
So glad that you guys are okay. Its always fun being married, enjoy every moment Sis:) Congrats! didn’t know that you got married 3 months ago.:)
http://www.sweetcuisinera.com
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Grown-Ups For A Day!
April 8, 2015 @ 11:07 pm
My husband and I have been married for 9 years now. I must say that it takes a great deal of maturity to accept and live with differences; much more to compromise, change and decide to give up on a few things for the happiness of the other. But you will… because now, his happiness will be yours as well.
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Analyn
April 10, 2015 @ 12:05 am
Oh my, I’m so glad nobody got hurt. It’s like the first months of being a relationship too, you get to see things that you have to deal with. I think you both can talk about these differences and work things out. It’s best that you’ll be both open for each other and discuss things that you have to change for the relationship / marriage to work 🙂
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Maria
April 13, 2015 @ 6:34 am
I am not yet married but it is good to see feedbacks from everyone here. I learned a lesson or two. Thank Lord that you were okey after the accident.
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verabear
April 14, 2015 @ 12:30 pm
It’s good to know I’m not the only one picking up gems here 🙂 Please go ahead and chime in anytime.
verabear
April 14, 2015 @ 12:31 pm
Communication really is key. Sometimes I just to remember that we have to be both ready for a real conversation and I can’t force it any time I want to. 🙂
verabear
April 14, 2015 @ 12:32 pm
I like that, it is so true – his happiness is now mine as well. Thanks for the reminder 🙂
verabear
April 14, 2015 @ 12:34 pm
I didn’t get to make a big announcement post about our wedding preparations and the wedding itself. Maybe in the future, or when we get our photos I can share them here. Thank you so much! 🙂
verabear
April 14, 2015 @ 12:34 pm
Thank you, Mark! Congrats to you too!
verabear
April 14, 2015 @ 12:34 pm
Eh yung mas kilig ako sa Harry Potter moments mo sa London? Gusto namin mag-asawa pumunta din dun, haha 🙂
verabear
April 14, 2015 @ 12:39 pm
I try my best to stay safe, thanks 🙂 Today, I stayed longer in the office instead of going home right away because i had a headache and I wasn’t comfortable driving with one.
verabear
April 14, 2015 @ 12:40 pm
I understand what you mean and I’ve locked in for the long haul 😉 Thanks!
JanzCrystalz/January
May 10, 2015 @ 11:24 pm
Wow sis, when was the last time I visited your blog? And tagal na yata, and that time boyfriend pa sya, now husband na and just 5 months ago I supposed kasi May na ngayon hehehe… Congratulations sis! So excited to read that you are one now.. and praying for a happy marriage. 🙂
Ashok Bhalla
March 15, 2017 @ 2:03 pm
I like you article this is so true and my wife and me are made for each other. We are living a happy marriage life thank you sharing this article with us…..
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November 20, 2017 @ 3:05 pm
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