Pursuing our Best Life - one word and one stitch at a time
The husband and I met and fell in love in 2000 but got married only on the special day 12-13-14. We know everything about each other, and surely know what we’re getting into, right? How does finally getting married change things? What happens now that we are legally recognized as husband and wife?
There are sure to be many challenges ahead of us, and being a Newbie Wife isn’t going to be easy. Let the journey to wedded bliss unfold!
Seems like the husband and I, we have some of our more interesting, and funny, conversations on the road.
Like today, while running errands. We had just seen a few episodes of Shark Tank on Netflix so the husband was on a business/product development frame of mind. Here are a couple problem areas he thought about addressing:
A solution to the long queues that customers have to suffer through at the bank for whatever business they have to do there. It’s such a waste of time. Today, we actually went to another bank because the first one we went to had such long lines.
Modernizing the Sorbetero so he wouldn’t have to suffer under the intense heat of the sun pushing his ice cream cart.
I can’t go into detail on any of his pitches, but here’s what I had to say: Not scalable. And for that reason, I’m out! 🙂
I like these moments. And really, any opportunity to have a real discussion.
Sometimes we also talk about the latest News (or gossip), or interesting posts on our Facebook feeds.
We also talk about work a lot. Mostly, he vents out about his work, and I either just hear him out and give advise, or I call him out on his attitude towards the issue.
I really enjoy our conversations. From the most trivial, to the more serious topics. And today I am reminded of how just talking got us falling in love with each other.
Today, I am sharing thoughts on marriage. Having been married for just a little over three years, I feel like being such an authority on married life already. NOT!
I believe that our relationship, like all others, require constant work. But, it doesn’t have to be a tiring and tedious ride. Though we are still new at this marriage gig, we have been partners now for a good 18 years. Throughout our journey together, and in observing family and friends, and watching so much TV, surely we’ve learned a few lessons, right?
Sometimes, I like to reflect on these lessons and talk to the husband about them. Here’s one of those lessons.
Don’t expect to agree on EVERYTHING. It’s just never going to happen.
Very early in our relationship as boyfriend-girlfriend, I realized that despite our similarities, and no matter how we make an effort to align our goals with each other’s – we are essentially two very distinct individuals.
Before I move on, I acknowledge that there are core values that are non-negotiables. And that it is important to agree on your #couplegoals – after all, you both have to be going in the same direction. This isn’t about that.
No Magic Pill
Saying I do, moving in together, or switching your Facebook profile to In a Relationship. None of these is a magic pill that allows you to suddenly agree easily on every choice or decision you have to make. Things won’t automatically line up the way the Sort button on an Excel file does.
It would be nice to find a partner who sees everything the same way you do. But not everyone will find one. Liking the same things or having the same values and opinions on just about every issue isn’t what’s important. I believe that what matters is how much value we place on our partner’s preferences and opinions.
It matters more that we are able to set aside our own biases – even for just a short time – to hear our partner out. We can go on to argue our point, but always, the end goal is to understand the other side better. Personally, I don’t always seek to convert the husband to cross over to my side – but I’d like to know that he listened to me and sincerely considered my point.
Tips on how to deal with your differences:
Be respectful while explaining yourself.
Listen to understand.
And always, keep your arguments on point. It is not about YOU and how you feel about each other, it’s about the issue at hand.
The hubby and I don’t share the same world view. I tend to see things in a more positive light, and approach social issues with respect to the many structures and layers involved. I support actions that are long-term and truly address the root cause. He tends to have a darker, more sinister view. He leans towards practical, short-term, and quick solutions. So yes, we disagree on more than just where to eat, but I find that recognizing our differences, saves us from being hurtful towards each other.
The Guevara-Apitanas have a family tradition – spending Holy Week at the Guevara home in Jose Panganiban, Camarines Norte and participating in the Holy Wednesday procession of saints with their very own San Andres dressed, lit up, and surrounded by a sea of flowers. I had the privilege of taking the trip with the family and spending the hot but happy few days of Holy Week the summer before we got married, but I have yet to go back. We thought it would be this year, but we weren’t so lucky. Work obligations didn’t permit the husband to take a long vacation so we had to make our own plans. My side of the family also couldn’t get away, so it was really just the two of us.
Thanks to Deal Grocer, we found a discount voucher for a night’s stay at a one-bedroom suite at the Infinity Tower Suites. All our asks checked out – a pool, separate living area and bedroom, fully equipped kitchen. The hotel is in Makati, which we could reach traffic-free on a Good Friday. I called the hotel before purchasing the voucher to confirm availability on our check in date. I wouldn’t have had to do it normally, but we had a very specific date in mind (Good Friday), and it was four days away when I made the purchase. As soon as I got my voucher number, I called them back and made the reservation official.
On our way to the hotel, we realized that the vet where we leave the dogs to room and board while we go on vacation was closed for Lent. Even another pet hotel we checked out wasn’t available anymore. The website showed no pet policy so I called the hotel and was gladly informed that they can make an exception for us jut this visit – we could definitely check in with our two dogs! Though we didn’t have to bring our pets after all, it was nice to know that the hotel could make such accommodations for us. That’s a huge plus for the establishment.
Waze showed us the way to Infinity Tower Suites, although I had to ask the staff out front where the parking entrance was (on the other side of the building). Check-in was a breeze. We were instructed to bring a print out of the voucher but I had no access to a printer and they accepted the digital copy I showed them off my phone. Our suite was at the 12th floor and though the furnishings were quite dated, we loved how spacious the rooms were. Just like every other time we are in hotels, we kept imagining what we’d do with the space if it were our home own home. There were double sliding doors that led from the living room to the bedroom. There was plenty of space for a craft area and computer area before you reach the bed. They could also convert an area to a good-sized walk-in closet. It was really just a very big room.
Right away, we felt like throwing a party! I messaged my friends saying they were welcome to drop by. I even extended the invite to our family in case anyone could make it. As expected though, everyone else had their own plans and we had the place all to ourselves.
We reserved the visit to the pool and gym area until after dinner. Good decision, the place was deserted!
Just like the room though, the pool area could use some updating. The pool was only 4 ft deep and the water was very cold. They also probably prepared for a lot of guests because it smelled heavily of chlorine. The water in the jacuzzi was a bit warmer than the pool’s but it too was cold.
There seemed enough equipment at the gym and both the hubby and I went on the bike and treadmill for a few minutes each. Mostly though, we just had fun.
The hotel didn’t have a restaurant so there was no room service, but overnight accommodations included breakfast the The Wholesome Table located at the ground floor of the building. Food was good. There is a separate menu for hotel guests so be sure to ask for the regular menu if you’d like to order additional dishes/drinks. The pancakes I had wasn’t enough to satiate my hunger (we were considering it brunch) so I asked if they had fruit or fruit shakes but I guess the waitress misunderstood me because she said no. I asked for a regular menu and ended up ordering a grilled cheese sandwich. I would have just been okay with a fruit shake though, which were apparently available but were on a different beverage menu. So I ended up being very full having had the pancakes, grilled cheese sandwich, and a fruit shake. The husband had a rice meal plus his own refreshing fruit shake. The restaurant deserves its own review. The decor felt very organic but my phone had no battery so sorry, no photos. We also had celebrity sightings!
Overall, it was a good overnight staycation. Just what we needed after months of focusing on just work. We spent the rest of the weekend with friends at another staycation as if one was not enough to recharge for another long stretch at work. 🙂
When I ask the husband what he would like to do for the weekend, he would be hard-pressed for an answer. We hardly go to the malls anymore, and we hardly ever go to see movies in the cinema these days. We’ve even missed the Batman-Superman movie, as well as the more recent Civil War.
Happy with his purchase
Sometimes, he would tell me of an errand he needs done and he would like for me to drive him. Such was the case for Sunday, 15th of May. We were to head to SM San Lazaro where he’s to meet up with a Lego seller, and then drive all the way to Pasay for a brief visit to his parents. I stay in the car for both stops. It’s faster for him to go in and out of the mall with just one objective. If I go with him, we’d be window shopping all over the place. Or worse, we might end up buying something – maybe a snack or something.
For his visit home, I also stayed in the car. We have to park a block away from their house whenever we visit. That day, I just parked along the main road, hazard lights on. And this was a quick visit because Nanay wasn’t home. So he just said Hey to Tatay, grabbed a few things, and came back.
On the way there we were already talking about where to head next. Robinson’s Magnolia was a good option – so we could buy a bigger thermos to lug cold water with. SM MOA was another option, or behind it rather, at the bay area, because I really wanted to go somewhere we could just hang out. I have been wanting to go to a park, somewhere where we could relax and I could read or crochet for a few hours. I’ve also been wanting to drive to Tagaytay.
It was 12 noon, and he said yes to Tagaytay.
There are so many dining options in Tagaytay City, but since I’ve never tried it at Mahogany Market, that’s where we went to eat. It’s the Bulalo capital, so they say. I’m happy to report that the Bulalo is just as good as anywhere else in Tagaytay, the fried Tawilis too. Leslie’s and Dencio’s have the advantage of a nice view, but the many stalls at Mahogany Market offer unlimited free senyorita bananas, and even a plate of chilled pineapples! They even offered free coffee after the meal. That was good coffee too, very tasty.
After lunch, we wondered where to go next. It is summer and even Tagaytay is hot and humid. We didn’t go to the Picnic Grove for fear that there might be a lot of people there. The husband insisted that there were still places along the highway where you could stop, park, and admire the view for free. I didn’t believe him but we went ahead and drove the length of the highway. We spotted the Sales Office of Splendid, and what do you know? There’s free parking, and people were stopping to admire the view. We stopped there for about an hour, for crochet and a nap.
On the way home we decided to take a different route, not the Sta. Rosa route, but the Alfonso-Silang road. We followed Waze and was again amazed at the good but narrow side streets of Cavite. This province sure has a lot of small bridges. It’s also nice to note how there are many big, beautiful houses tucked away and hidden from the main roads. When we finally got back on the main road, there was the Sunday afternoon traffic – people are heading home to Manila. It wasn’t too bad though, just slow going at some areas.
We decided not to follow Waze at some point and just follow the road to Cavitex. It meant an additional hour of travel, but it was nice and steady. The husband ended up sleeping for the most part, but I would wake him up every ten minutes or so. Haha.
We are definitely not spontaneous people. We usually talk things through a few times before we do anything, that’s why end up not doing much most of the time! Lol. But it’s nice to just do something like an impromptu road trip. Good for the soul. 🙂
At the risk of sounding anti-Valentine’s, here’s my Valentine’s Day post.
When you’re happy in your head (and in your heart), alone becomes okay.
I am trying to be okay alone. No, there is nothing wrong in MarriageVille, we are still keeping on. But having different schedules has sometimes meant having to spend a lot of time on my own in the past few months. I haven’t always liked it, I am used to doing things with the hubby and I like it that way. But suddenly today, watching this video shared on the Post Secret Facebook page, I realised that i should also be okay with being alone.
What do I do by myself? I rarely run errands just by myself. Therein lies my biggest dependence on the husband. I drive for him, but he does the legwork. There were two online purchases I needed to say for over the counter at BPI and I got delayed because I wanted to wait for him to do it for me. I haven’t taken my car for a good wash in over a week and a half because I didn’t want to wait by myself. That is just wrong.
But the other day, while the husband was in bed, feeling pain in his joints, I went out by myself to get food and some painkillers. It wasn’t so bad! I did forget to pick up the food I paid for at the drive-thru window, but all in all it was still okay. Yes. I ordered, paid at the first window, and then went right past the second window and out onto the street! I realised my mistake about 10 seconds later and went right back. That was funny.
I tend to do a lot of thinking when I drive alone. That’s a good thing, but it can also mean i tend to be distracted.
In mid-2014 I also did something just by myself for the first time ever – I signed up for a retreat where I didn’t know anybody, and I drove myself to Batangas all by myself.
I like the idea. And I think I should continue working on it. I think it’s not just good for myself, but it would do wonders for my marriage too.