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Not expecting. Yet.

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Have you heard the news? Another December 2014 bride is on the family way. That makes 3 pregnant celebrities who walked down the aisle around the same time that I did.

They are pregnant. Expectant moms. Yay!

I am not.

Are we trying? We said we would. And we said that we would make lifestyle changes so we can really have a fighting chance of having a baby soon. So far, none of what we planned has yet happened. And there is no baby on the way.

Now how do I really feel about it? Every time I hear about another woman my age getting pregnant, I think I worry more about getting asked about when it will be my turn. It’s that more than feeling sad or envious that I am not yet pregnant. I don’t have the right to be sad, or envious. I haven’t done everything to prepare myself and my body for that blessing.

I don’t exercise.

I still eat pretty much anything I want to.

I could be more intentional in how I spend my spare time and more proactive at home.

We haven’t seen a doctor to help us find out what we need to be doing to make sure we can conceive. I have lived with PCOS and hormonal imbalance since college. They say it really won’t be easy given that. We are both obese. But there are people with similar circumstances as ours who don’t have difficulty conceiving.

Why haven’t I/we done any of these? Maybe because I am afraid that after all the time and effort, we’ll find that we still can’t make babies.

So there. That’s how I really feel about it.

Currently Saturday

Currently…

  • Enjoying the beginning of what promises to be a happy weekend
  • Listening to happy noise being made by Alexiess
  • Anticipating a big dinner courtesy of the husband who is getting supplies at the mall next door as I compose this
  • Contemplating about this One Bedroom Executive Suite at Aruga by Rockwell that is the perfect size for Alfred and me. The only thing missing is space for our computers (though I’m slowly beginning to see myself as a laptop kind of girl (I never was))
  • Getting hungrier by the minute (lol)
  • Staycationing for the first time. We picked a room where we could entertain but so far the party planning is fizzling out. Good thing my nieces were able to come at a moment’s notice (they were really coming to bring me my purse which I had left at the other car).

Sleeping in, swimming, and using the full-service kitchen + washer and dryer. These are all included in our planned activities. Right along eating, videoke singing, and just hanging out. For now, taking a break is top priority.

I have thought about being more intentional, about being more purposeful in how I spend my time. To kick that off, I planned this weekend of rest. We need this, because I’ve just had a month of adjusting at work, and coming up is more weeks of real hard work.

Wake Up to Life

Alexiess, is my first cousin twice removed. I could just easily say too, that she’s my granddaughter (thru my cousin). She turned 1 year old, and was Christened, yesterday April 29th.

alexiess1

She is so pretty, isn’t she? And that tutu dress? So cute and so bagay for her (suits her perfectly).

How time flies. She now has several teeth. Walks easily with assistance (not brave enough to walk on her own just yet), and very noisy. She knows how to catch your attention, loves to sing along, and knows how to get exactly what she wants.

Looking back at this photo from about 10 months ago, I can’t believe how much she’s grown. She no longer fits on her bouncer, and we definitely cannot leave her on that any more. And she does more stuff than sleep and suck now. She loves to eat, and crawl, and go on car rides.

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How time flies.

We celebrate the milestones of Alexiess’ childhood now, but what really comes to mind now is how we should cherish each moment and how we need to be present.

Once again I am reminded to wake up to life. I wouldn’t want to miss so much of life while I sleep. If you know what I mean. Smile

His and Hers

Truly, even after your union in marriage, husband and wife continue to be separate. My husband (wow, this is the first time I refer to the boyfriend as such on the blog) and I can be as different as white from black, hot from cold. Not in all ways, but surely, in many ways. The choice of drinks is but one example.

 

Our different personalities were highlighted to me again on Saturday night, after finding ourselves in the middle of a vehicular accident. We were driving home from celebrating Amir’s Moving Up Day in Fairview, when I exited Elliptical Road to Quezon Avenue and a delivery truck suddenly hit me on the driver’s side.

We were in the middle of conversation, and were abruptly shocked. I felt the jolt, heard the metal crash, but suffered nothing else but shock. After hitting the breaks and watching the truck run through my car and skid in front of me, we then saw as the truck turned on its side and continue to slide a few meters away from us to the side of the road. After a split-second of shock we decided to move my car to the side of the road and find out if the driver and his passengers needed any help. By then we saw them climbing out the passenger door window.

If you know my husband, he tends to be a hot head. He would jump into things heated and wouldn’t back down specially when he thinks he’s right. So he took care of confronting the other party, while I stayed in the car to collect myself, stay calm, and contact family and the authorities.

The Emergency Hotline 117 operator tried to be calm and assuring –

Hinga lang po ng malalim Ma’am. May nasaktan po ba?

It took awhile before personnel from MMDA arrived, and even longer for the Police Inspector. There was not much talk. The other party was blaming me, we were blaming them. A tow truck arrived, and we went on our way to the precinct. My cousins arrived to lend support. We signed papers, paid fees, had a very brief talk with the other party, before finally being able to leave. It took about three hours from the time of the accident  until we were able to go home.

On the drive home we continued to talk, despite also being exhausted. I was just thankful no one got hurt. He was fuming because the accident made him late for his lakad with friends that evening. Yet something else that is different about us: That night, I stayed with family and we de-stressed with pizza; He went out again to drink with his friends. I must stay I didn’t like that, but I had no strength to argue.

When he’s excited the way he was pumped up that night he tends to talk too much. Yes, too much. And I have to admit it hurt, some of the things he had to say. Hurt in the sense that I wanted to challenge his statements because I’d really rather have him make better choices. Hurt, but I chose to love him despite of that.

That night, I decided to love him and understand that he deals with stress differently. That perhaps there is no harm in letting him steam off with his friends. When he came home with the sun almost up, with a kiss to wake me up, I again made a decision to love him and understand that we have different ways of showing we care.

Three months into this marriage gig, and I’m finally learning something.

For married folks, in what ways are you different from your partner? Do you still argue about those differences? Share your thoughts with this Newbie Wife :)

Reboot

It’s been so quiet around here I feel like stepping inside an old house and hearing my voice echo off the walls as I say “Hello! (oh-oh-oh)”

I attended the Life Bliss Weekend a month ago and I had a milestone – I came home with a different realization than what I thought I set off to have.

Let’s just say that thinking about what I thought my life’s mission was (prior to the weekend) meant staying in my current job for another year or two, and then setting off on an entirely different course.

What happened was that I went home with a renewed sense of what I should be doing in the role I currently have. How my mission can and should remain the same over time, albeit set in different roles in life.

I have tried many times to write about that weekend, but where do I begin? What’s important is that I have taken steps to work on my takeaways from that experience, and it looks like I’m well on my way to finding bliss.

How does that relate to this blog? Everything is connected. My desire to define my mission in life, the need to rekindle a passion for my work, and the non-activity on the blogs, are all connected.

And things that are happening now couldn’t have come at a better time. I’ve had an opportunity at work to attend a training/workshop that gave me further affirmation that I’m where I am supposed to be.

For my blogs, I’ve been working on material that I signed up for two years ago. I’ve been stuck on having a mission and unable to move forward. But working offline on myself, I think, is allowing me to move forward here too. So I’m working on that.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I am in an ongoing reboot process. Personal Reboot, Work Reboot, and even a Blogging Reboot, because really, how can you separate the three?

When was the last time you did a reboot?

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