Do I really want to get married in December?
Last night, Alfred commented that it’s me who doesn’t really think of getting married this year. Where’s this coming from? Basically, he’s set the date and has told anyone who asks (okay, not all) of the plan. But I keep on challenging him; playing the devil’s advocate. Will we have the budget to make this happen? That’s my primary concern. I am sure we will still be together by that time, I’m just not sure if we will have the money to make it happen the way we want it. Or the way I want it.
We both are not so good at saving money. The biggest problem: spending the money even before we have it. My credit card allowed for that behavior; it’s a bad habit and I’m trying to break it for both of us. I’ve talked about saving before and even shared what the plan is this year. But I just can’t be so sure we have enough time.
Truthfully, we should have started this a long time ago. Back when I just started earning decently – like when my salary was doubled when I first worked in this company or when his also increased when he moved here, and then again when he moved to where he works now. But we didn’t. Sure I have a savings account, and I do have money in it but it isn’t even half of what my brother has saved up already even after loaning me the dough for getting our (condo) units beautified.
I can save – as evidenced by the two and a half year’s worth of loan payments I’ve already done. If I saved even half of that amount in the previous two years, I’d be well on my way to paying for a grand wedding. LOL. But I can be easily shaken too. When I say I want to buy something but feel like I don’t deserve it, the boyfriend is there to convince me that I actually do deserve the treat. He also tells me, for example, that buying new clothes is actually called for (which is true). Yes I have all the stuff I bought, and there’s plenty of evidence of all the good food I’ve eaten over the years, but there’s just not THAT much to show for the almost five years I’ve worked here. And I still owe my brother some money.
I realize that by blurting these words now, I am admitting a weakness. And it’s not just for myself but for the boyfriend too. That’s not good because I have no permission to do that. He reads my blog and I know his feelings might get hurt too. But I feel like I must get this out. Because I also know that no matter how his attitude towards saving is, there is no excuse for mine. And I can’t blame him for enabling my shopaholic tendencies or encouraging the swipe mentality. We should just both look forward and change the error of our old ways.
You know another reason I’m anxious about a December altar date? I don’t trust myself to lose enough weight to become the gorgeous blushing bride I want to be. That’s another thing I have to commit to actually do, and there is no time to waste. I must lose weight fast! :S