Exposed
It’s Day 34 of the global 100 day Project. In this period, I have managed 14 blog posts.
On one hand, I feel like it’s a signal telling me to give up on writing. That I really am not meant to write. Not meant to be blogging.
On the other hand though, I also feel like things are going along just fine.
That’s 14 posts in a month! The last time there was that many posts in a single month on this blog, was in September of 2012. And when else have I tried to write from the Heart, much less end up publishing the result?
Though I haven’t produced a daily blog post, this is really the most time in forever that I have spent on writing, and all the tasks related to it. When there’s a lull in my day, I think of what I should write about next, examine thoughts and feelings around specific subjects, and (try to) articulate them. Sometimes I talk to myself, mostly while driving, so I can hear the words. I write drafts, edit, rewrite.
Now, I still wonder about this platform and where we’ll go at the end of the hundred days. Do I keep the blog up, or give it up?
After all, there’s always Facebook and Instagram. I suppose I can write there too, like many others do. I’ve always craved engagement from readers, and social media is excellent for that. People really interact with the content shared on FB and IG, and there’s almost always no SPAM! Comments are preferred, but those likes (and other reactions) are good enough. And these are from people I (mostly) know in real life.
But then, that’s the thing isn’t it? Sharing anything deeply personal on social media feels a lot like leaving myself exposed and vulnerable to people I actually know. I didn’t really think of it that way before, but the truth is, I can post anything on my blogs and not worry about judgment – readers, when there are any, are mostly strangers. While anything I share on FB or IG will likely be seen by my Mom, my husband, and just about every one else I know. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not afraid that the people in my life will be too judging!
I don’t post anything I could not say to another person directly. I am almost never hateful, and I don’t care for social media posts that tend to be negative or bullying, so hindi ako natatakot that people will read something I write and be so surprised that way. Arghhh. I don’t know, it’s just, why do I all of a sudden feel so exposed?
15 of 100
