Health – General

Mothering Despite Your Mental Illness

Motherhood, though rewarding, isn’t an easy job. Moms must constantly find a way to balance their own needs with their children. Successful parenting requires the continual learning of how to efficiently manage your time and resources to support your children physically, mentally, and financially. This is something that all moms struggle with throughout their children’s lives. So, when you add mental illness to the mix, these troubles become more extreme. 

Photo by Ksenia Makagonova on Unsplash

Challenges of Parenting With a Mental Illness

There are a number of mental illnesses, each with their own set of symptoms that make mothering a challenge. Some women suffer from lack of energy, concentration issues, emotional highs and lows, sleep-deprivation, and isolation, making it difficult to be present as a mother should.  

Imagine a mother with depression. She sometimes lacks the energy to even get out of bed, or the emotional willpower to interact with, comprehend, and understand her children. This, in turn, negatively impacts her relationship with her children and hinders her ability to properly parent. Without mom actively or emotionally present in their lives, children can suffer from issues ranging from language and development to physical and mental problems of their own. 

Unfortunately, due to stigmas and societal expectations of women being the perfect mothers, most won’t speak up about their mental illness. Instead, they try to find the strength to keep going until it weighs on them. Their physical health declines and some even turn to substances to cope which results in them needing drug or alcohol detox treatment

Tips for Parenting With Mental Illness

The good news is that while your physical and emotional wellbeing isn’t 100% at all times doesn’t mean that you can’t still be the best mom to your kids. Below are some tips to parenting with mental illness: 

Be Honest With Your Kids

The first bit of advice would be to be as open and honest with your children as you can about your mental health. Leaving them in the dark causes confusion and even self-blame when mom doesn’t seem or act herself. Discuss what’s going on and how it makes you feel at times. Explain that mommy still loves you very much and is doing everything she can to take care of her health and your needs. Answer any questions they may have as well. 

Stop Beating Yourself Up

Your mental illness causes symptoms that sometimes will make you unavailable to an effective mother to your children. You have to stop beating yourself up as if you’ve done something wrong. The guilt only worsens your mood and exacerbates your symptoms. Realize that mental illness can be managed and/or treated and that you’re doing the best you can. 

Seek Treatment

Don’t hide your need for professional help when dealing with mental illness. This does not make you crazy, nor does it make you a bad mom. Not all mental illnesses can be cured with lifestyle changes alone. Sometimes you need medication and therapy to help you truly get past your issues. So, if you’ve been experiencing symptoms of mental illness, don’t hide and try to go it alone, talk to your doctor, a therapist, or a support group to get the assistance you need. 

Rely on Your Village

Even with perfect health parents require a plethora of people to help them shape their children into outstanding people. Don’t be afraid to rely on this village now. Call on your parents, friends, extended-relatives, educators, community center directors, and religious leaders to help ensure that your kids have everything they need. Get them enrolled in activities that keep them occupied and in healthy environments, and ask for support with everything from transportation and meals to quality time and overnight stays.

Being a mother to your children while you struggle with mental illness will not be easy, but you can relieve a lot of the pressure and prevent a lot of problems. By being open with your kids, getting treatment, and relying on your village, you can create a healthy parent-child relationship and raise your children to be smart, happy, and healthy.

The Sleep Revolution

This is a combined Fit 2019 (March) and Between the Covers (February Books) Update

February went by like a blur. I am thankful for all the blessings and learnings the month brought into my life, but, most of all I am happy it is over. I feel like I breezed through the month only half-awake.

There was only one book for me in the 28 days of February: Arianna Huffington’s The Sleep Revolution. It spoke to me about my challenges with sleep. And it seemed as if I was really supposed to read it around this time because it was when I struggled most with sleep.

Stitches & Words | The Sleep Revolution

After collapsing and waking up in the Emergency Room because of chronic sleep deprivation, Arianna Huffington now dedicates her life to spreading the importance of sleep and what needs to be done to ensure that we get enough of it. Sleep deprivation has serious repercussions not only to our health, but on everything! It affects our job (or academic) performance, our personal relationships (ever notice how short-fused people with less than 7 hours of sleep can get?), even our bank accounts.

In this book she shares scientific studies on sleep and sleep deprivation, and compelling arguments, along with a few remedies, to get everyone to sleep better. And I’m convinced. Okay, I’ve been convinced even before reading the book, but I read it anyway and don’t think it was a waste of my time.

I’ve shared a bit about my quest for good sleep and my sleep apnea diagnosis here before. I’m still very much a work in progress, meaning I am still basically sleep deprived. And in the last four weeks or so I’ve been feeling a little more more crappy than usual. I won’t be surprised if I gained a few pounds (although I certainly hope not), because I’ve not been able to exercise properly. I stayed away from doing my workouts because I haven’t been sleeping well. From past experience, forcing myself to workout without proper sleep results to more stress and eventually getting sick. Here’s hoping that my attempts at keeping a generally healthy plate for most of my meals, and not over-indulging on any of my off-days, has been enough.

And I’m not giving up on sleep! I sure will be tapping on some of these tips for better sleep:

The Sleep Revolution is a call to action – to prioritise sleep and to recognize the ill effects of sleep deprivation. One more thing that’s part of its advocacy that hits me too close is drowsy driving. Drowsy driving is yet another side effect of sleep deprivation and is tied to 1.2 million crashes per year. Much awareness has been raised about avoiding drunk driving but I doubt if people have really thought much about driving without enough rest.

Two years ago I crashed onto another vehicle after falling asleep on the wheel. Thankfully, no one was hurt. Since then, I have tried to be aware of my level of awakeness before I have to go anywhere. Whenever I get into the driver’s seat, I am armed with little snacks (nuts, Chocnut, and chocolate), and music to sing-along to. Recently, I’ve also started listening to podcasts (Cultivate A Good Life, Behind the Scenes, Marie Forleo, Health Unveiled, and The Good Life Project) to keep me alert. Whoever rides shotgun has to be ready to stay awake, and chat a lot! But when preventive measures fail, we pull over and take a nap for as long as it takes.

If you live by the mantra “I’ll sleep when I’m dead,” and have convinced yourself that you only need 4 hours of sleep to refuel and recharge, think again. Get yourself a copy of this book!

Amazon National Bookstore Book Xcess

Eat Well, Sleep More

I really truly thought I haven’t been this stress-free in so long. 

Until I got sick and the doctor told me that people get ATP when they’re under a lot of stress.

Sure, work isn’t as physically and mentally draining as it used to be for me (thank GOODNESS for that!), but there are other stressors around.  I figured that for me it was not sleeping enough and (sometimes) over fasting.

Having trouble sleeping

It’s been over a year since my Sleep Apnea diagnosis, yet unfortunately, I haven’t made much progress in creating habits to promote better sleep quality. Heck, I don’t even use my CPAP regularly. And I should. The sleep doctor recommended that I use that machine everyday, and even during travel.

When I got sick, I noticed an increased challenge in getting myself to relax and ease into slumber. At times, I even felt anxious. Of what, I couldn’t really tell.

My Fitbit comes with a Sleep Tracker, and if it’s accurate, I’m only getting an average of 3 hours of sleep. I have more Awake and Restless hours logged than actual Sleep! 

Getting enough rest and quality sleep should be a priority. No matter where you are in your life right now, it’s important to accept this. Getting sick, and being instructed by the doctor to rest at home for three days (without doing ANY work), is a sure way to get one to take this seriously. But we shouldn’t really wait for any Medical issues or emergencies before we take heed.

What happens we don’t get enough sleep?

This is Your Body Without Sleep (infographic) - see Pinterest link for image credits

This Is Your Body Without Sleep (Infographic)

Virtually everyone has experienced the negative effects of a bad night’s sleep: grogginess, crankiness, lack of focus and a host of other nasty feelings that hover over your body and mind the entire

So you see, there is A LOT riding on getting the right amount of shut-eye regularly. Our well-being depends on it.

Deliberately sleeping less

But I get it. Sleeping 8 hours or more daily means spending a third of our lifetime in bed. And when you’re dreaming big, and have so much to accomplish, that seems like too much time wasted.

So we try to make our days longer by cheating ourselves of a few minutes of sleep. Then we find that we need more time to do the things we want to do, so we wake up earlier, and go to bed later. And it keeps going on and on and on.

We tell ourselves: Oh I’m okay with just four hours of sleep. We convince ourselves that we can function just as well with four hours as we would if we had eight hours of sleep. But do we, really?

Skipping Meals

Have I mentioned that I recently lost about 40 pounds? That’s over the course of a year. The most weight I have lost and kept off EVER. Yay me.

I got here by eating well, and incorporating exercise into my routine. There’s actually a ways to go to get to my ideal weight (the answer to many health issues, apparently) but already, I know that I am in a good place in terms of my health and well-being.

My wellness plan involves having three balanced meals a day. There’s a prescribed timing for meals, but we’re cautioned not to starve ourselves. The problem is, I have unintentionally been skipping meals while at work the past few weeks. Doing so hasn’t helped me lose more weight. Instead, it just put me at more risk for getting sick. And get sick, I did.

That day I started having chills, and complained of a very sore throat, my husband immediately pointed out that I must not have been eating well. He accused me of skipping meals! I was on the defensive right away – telling him that that was against my wellness plan. But when the doctor was asking me questions around the same topic, I had to stop and really think about what I had been doing in more recent weeks. I had to admit to myself that yes, indeed I have been skipping meals to the point where I was starving. And I should have known better.

Purpose and Priority

Think about this: Instead of deliberately depriving yourself of sleep, how can you make more out of 16 hours that you’re already awake? Take an accounting of each 15- or 30-minute block of your waking hours and ask yourself: does the time you spend on the things you do, represent the life you want to live?

Do your current actions take you closer to your goals?

It isn’t easy. First you need to determine what you want to achieve. Have you painted your big picture? Do you know where you want to go?

Knowing your purpose, setting your intention, makes it easier to decide what your priority is. It makes tough decisions easier to make, like how you spend each minute, and with whom you spend it with.

If you haven’t decided yet what your big goals are, then maybe you can make to prioritize. So you can spend less time doing unimportant stuff, and have more time for what matters most – including rest and sleep.

As for me, I have my Passion Road Map (thanks to my Passion Planner). It’s still changing from time to time, and I’m not sure that I’ve already found my purpose in life, but I understand the general direction I want to head towards. But I’ve realized too that I will not achieve my goals, or it will take a lot of extra effort to do so, if I keep pushing my body to the limit without giving it the proper nourishment, exercise, and rest that it needs.

So getting better sleep, and NOT skipping meals, are currently my priority. Locking these down help assure that I will have the physical and mental energy, for everything else I need to do.

How about you? How much sleep do you get? And do you eat three balanced meals daily?

 

Recognizing Co-Occurring Disorders in Loved Ones and Getting Treatment

How good are you at recognizing the signs of substance abuse and symptoms of mental disorders in family members? Can you effectively answer how much is too much? Do you know when someone keeps having an extra drink at lunch, or nightcap, beyond what’s recommended? Or has a loved one talked about needing something to help balance them out in order to make it through the day, leaning on that extra little drink or pill? Has buzzed driving gone from just getting home to the second DUI, or that original pain pill prescription becomes a seemingly constant script fix? When there is too much partying or pain management, then it is time to seek some addiction treatment.

These questions are hard enough to answer for ourselves, let alone for a loved one. These are all reasons, and rightfully so, for additional concern.

Oftentimes, addiction may not be the only problem. There may be an underlying mental health issue as well. Fortunately, there are treatment options available to families with someone suffering from a co-occurring disorder. In fact, if the affected individual has health insurance, it might be possible for them to access free detox solutions going forward.

You have to do your best to figure out whether there are any mental disorders, substance abuse or both in order to seek out a drug rehab center for treatment. For effective recovery, underlying issues (including mental health) have to be addressed as well.

Wellness starts with admitting there is a problem. Your loved one has to recognize this in order for treatment to help. Be prepared for resistance from that person, including outright denial of a problem existing. This is true whether they’re dealing with depression, bipolar disorder, alcoholism, narcotics addiction, etc.

Having adequate health insurance is a big portion of getting well, both mentally and physically. Without good health insurance or the means to pay outright, your treatment can be subpar or non-existent at all if some health institution refuses to treat you.

Also, the path from recognizing a substance abuse issue to sobriety is not usually a straightforward one, like a ‘walk-in-the-park.’ Often, it is more like Dorothy starting on that path to Oz, you have to put one foot in front of the other. There may be some stops, getting off on the wrong track even, or other unexpected detours. But you may also meet some people along the way who take care to be vested in you and your loved one’s well-being and who want to see you do well.

Sobriety is an every minute of every day, of every month, of every year thing. Falling off the wagon happens. But the most successful treatments look at the reasoning behind why you fell off the wagon and then gives you the tools and assistance and resources to help manage these detracting situations. These problem management tools become part of your arsenal in order to hopefully build another string of days, weeks, months and years of success successful sobriety. The same is true with the mental health portion of treatment.

Eating Well at Work

Working at night makes it a bit more challenging to find options for healthy eating outside the home, but it is not impossible to eat food that will truly nourish our bodies even at 3AM.

BYOB |Bring Your Own Baon

Many times this has meant bringing my own baon.

Doing this has made it easier to keep away from white rice and bread – because it’s nearly impossible to find Red or black Rice in a restaurant, much less in an office pantry or a convenience store.

Eat Well at Work: BYOB | http://verabear.net

Eat Well at Work: BYOB | http://verabear.net

It’s been fairly easy to bring packed lunch, thanks to a husband that cooks. 🙂

This also saved me a lot of lunch money (that I redirect to getting new clothes that would fit better now ?).

I used to skip lunch a lot – because I was too busy to have one – and thought I was saving money then. But it only meant over eating on the next meal which tended to be fast food, and very un-healthy.

For those times though that I don’t get to bring packed lunch, I just do my best to make the better choice.

Convenience Store Find: Gourmet Farms

At our Makati office, where I go 2x to 3x a week, I’ve looked forward to getting my meals at the Lawson convenience store nearby.

I didn’t expect it, but I was so thankful to have found that they offered Gourmet Foods.

Eat Well at Work: Gourmet Farms | http://verabear.net Eat Well at Work: Gourmet Farms | http://verabear.net

Sarap.

I would have to admit, the salads at 99 pesos are NOT cheap. Paired with the chicken or tuna wraps, or a banana, they could be quite filling.

On Tuesday, my lunch of Chicken Mexican Wrap and Sicilian Chicken Salad cost 178 pesos. Mahal if you compare it to pantry food, or a one-piece chicken meal at Jollibee. But it’s fresh, and organically grown. So that’s a price I’m willing to pay occasionally, when I don’t bring my own baon.

And if you think about the long-term benefits, okay na din to spend a little bit more diba?

If only it didn’t mean having to dump all this plastic packaging:

It is possible!

Yes, it is possible to eat better at work. It just takes some planning, and a whole lot of resolve to make informed food choices.

What are you having for lunch today?

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