Family

Mothering Despite Your Mental Illness

Motherhood, though rewarding, isn’t an easy job. Moms must constantly find a way to balance their own needs with their children. Successful parenting requires the continual learning of how to efficiently manage your time and resources to support your children physically, mentally, and financially. This is something that all moms struggle with throughout their children’s lives. So, when you add mental illness to the mix, these troubles become more extreme. 

Photo by Ksenia Makagonova on Unsplash

Challenges of Parenting With a Mental Illness

There are a number of mental illnesses, each with their own set of symptoms that make mothering a challenge. Some women suffer from lack of energy, concentration issues, emotional highs and lows, sleep-deprivation, and isolation, making it difficult to be present as a mother should.  

Imagine a mother with depression. She sometimes lacks the energy to even get out of bed, or the emotional willpower to interact with, comprehend, and understand her children. This, in turn, negatively impacts her relationship with her children and hinders her ability to properly parent. Without mom actively or emotionally present in their lives, children can suffer from issues ranging from language and development to physical and mental problems of their own. 

Unfortunately, due to stigmas and societal expectations of women being the perfect mothers, most won’t speak up about their mental illness. Instead, they try to find the strength to keep going until it weighs on them. Their physical health declines and some even turn to substances to cope which results in them needing drug or alcohol detox treatment

Tips for Parenting With Mental Illness

The good news is that while your physical and emotional wellbeing isn’t 100% at all times doesn’t mean that you can’t still be the best mom to your kids. Below are some tips to parenting with mental illness: 

Be Honest With Your Kids

The first bit of advice would be to be as open and honest with your children as you can about your mental health. Leaving them in the dark causes confusion and even self-blame when mom doesn’t seem or act herself. Discuss what’s going on and how it makes you feel at times. Explain that mommy still loves you very much and is doing everything she can to take care of her health and your needs. Answer any questions they may have as well. 

Stop Beating Yourself Up

Your mental illness causes symptoms that sometimes will make you unavailable to an effective mother to your children. You have to stop beating yourself up as if you’ve done something wrong. The guilt only worsens your mood and exacerbates your symptoms. Realize that mental illness can be managed and/or treated and that you’re doing the best you can. 

Seek Treatment

Don’t hide your need for professional help when dealing with mental illness. This does not make you crazy, nor does it make you a bad mom. Not all mental illnesses can be cured with lifestyle changes alone. Sometimes you need medication and therapy to help you truly get past your issues. So, if you’ve been experiencing symptoms of mental illness, don’t hide and try to go it alone, talk to your doctor, a therapist, or a support group to get the assistance you need. 

Rely on Your Village

Even with perfect health parents require a plethora of people to help them shape their children into outstanding people. Don’t be afraid to rely on this village now. Call on your parents, friends, extended-relatives, educators, community center directors, and religious leaders to help ensure that your kids have everything they need. Get them enrolled in activities that keep them occupied and in healthy environments, and ask for support with everything from transportation and meals to quality time and overnight stays.

Being a mother to your children while you struggle with mental illness will not be easy, but you can relieve a lot of the pressure and prevent a lot of problems. By being open with your kids, getting treatment, and relying on your village, you can create a healthy parent-child relationship and raise your children to be smart, happy, and healthy.

Mama, the Original #GirlBoss

My Mama, Mom, Mommy.

She is the original #girlboss. I grew up with an amazing female role model. She showed me that a woman can be many things – a leader, a boss, a wife, daughter, sister, mother, friend. She is strong and smart, loving and caring.

Amir and Arkin are soooo lucky to spend a lot of time with Grandma.

I am thankful for my Mama!

Guevara Cousins

I am thankful for all the time we’ve been spending this year with my husband’s side of the family, particularly, his Guevara cousins.

There’s always someone celebrating a birthday so every month we pick who hosts but everyone brings something for potluck dinner and drinks.

These gatherings have been fun. There is always a lot of laughs, and some dancing too (just them, not me). There have been animated discussions about the state of the country (not everyone has the same opinion), ideas for business ventures, and many many more.

*This post is still part of my 30 Days of Thankful series.

Dad and Kuya

I am thankful for my Dad and my Kuya.

Through them, I’ve learned what good men are supposed to be like.

My prayer is that they become stronger and healthier for many many more years so they can continue to be fine examples for my nephews Amir and Arkin. They truly are the type of men anyone would want their sons to grow up and be like.

Stitches & Words | Dad and Kuya

Photo from a few months ago. Accidental #stripesday for us three 🙂

10 Reasons I am Thankful for Our Home

Stitches & Words | 10 Reasons I’m Thankful for our Home

Stitches & Words | Street-view of our family compound. You can’t see our actual house from here. There’s home improvement on going at my cousin’s, at the moment.

  1. We live in a family compound.
  2. We’re practically rent-free (thanks Mom and Dad!).
  3. We’re near a hospital (there are two hospitals within our barangay, and there are 2 more that are also very near us).
  4. If we ever have human kids, they can walk to school where I walked to school! (Oh well sige na nga, there was a time when Papa (grandpa) took us to school, then my Daddy would also take me (and also sundo), and there was a time I took a school bus too. Pero walking distance talaga sya, so in high school I mostly walked to school. Hahaha). Oh, we don’t live in the same house from when I was a kid, but it’s in the same Barangay.
  5. We have so many memories in this compound.
  6. It’s very accessible. I really feel like we are in the center of Metro Manila. (Okay, so not the street our house is on, but this area in general)
  7. Work can be under 10 minutes away (after midnight, no traffic, and if work is in Centris or Cubao). Makati is 30 minutes away (also late at night hahha).
  8. If I seem to have fallen off the face of the earth and you can’t get in touch with me on social media or thru my phone/email, it is highly likely that there will always be someone here who would know what was up or how to pass along a message. When you fill out forms asking for a Permanent Address, this is it.
  9. We have a small house, but there’s just the right space for our dogs. And the hubby even gets to have a Lego room! And you might not believe how much books we’ve managed to stuff in here.
  10. It’s messy more times than it’s all spic and span, but it’s where I find comfort. There truly is no place like home.

So is this our forever home? Maybe. I still dream of a big house with a pool, and a garden that would have lots of flowers, and vegetable plots too. I still dream of living in the mountains, or near a clean and swimmable body of water. But right now, I am thankful to have this place to call home.

**Click link to read my other 30 Days of Thankful 2018 posts. That would make me #verathankful if you do 🙂

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